Eternal Love
by Demonic-Angel07
Summary: Karen spends her time after Nicolai's death thinking of him. One day, his spirit returns and truths and secrets are revealed.
1. Chapter 1

A Voice on the Wind

Karen sighed as she watched Yuri. He had that far away expression on his face again. I bet he's thinking of Alice again. He's ALWAYS thinking about Alice. Why did I choose to follow him instead of being with someone who loved me?

"Nicolai..." Karen whispered.

"What?" Yuri said suddenly. "You say something Karen?"

"Nothing important...I was just thinking outloud."

"Oh...okay." With that, Yuri turned and walked off.

Karen sighed again and walked to the room she was staying in. As she entered, she noticed a book sitting on the edge off her bed. By now, the cover was familiar to her...so was the name on the cover. Nicolai Conrad. Many times she had tried to open the book and read it and many times she'd failed. It had a lock on the right side and no matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't break it.

"Nicolai...what secrets did you write in here? Did you mention me at all?" Karen asked outloud as she picked up the book. "Your name shows up in my diary so many times... Why could I never tell you that I loved you too?? Why couldn't I find the strength to admit it to myself while your were still alive?? You're gone now and I'll never get to tell you how I really feel. I miss you Nicolai. I just wish I knew what things went through your head during this whole crazy mess."

A cold breeze blew through the room then and Karen began to shiver. She sat the book back on the bed and went to close the window.

"Oh my God!!!!" Karen said as she looked at the window. Her reflection wasn't the only one there. Smiling at her the way he did the first time they met stood Nicolai.

"Nicolai...but...it can't be..you're dead," Karen whispered to the reflection. Turning, she saw that he wasn't really there but oddly enough...the book was open on the bed. "Nicolai...did you hear me after all wherever you're at?? Only you could have opened that book."

"Karen..." a voice whispered on the wind.

"Nicolai...you're here aren't you? I can feel it. You want me to read the book don't you? Did you write things there that you wanted to tell me but couldn't? If only I could have told you my feelings before you died. In that last instant before you died when you called my name out so desperately it all ran through my mind. So many things left unsaid. That last time you called my name still haunts me like your face and your voice."

"Karen! Food's done! Come out here and eat!!" Yuri called from the hallway.

"I'm not hungry!!" Karen yelled to him through the door.

"Okay, if you say so. You alright? You haven't ate much lately."

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just tired I guess."

"Well...see ya around then Karen." Yuri said.

"Godslayer!" the voice whispered. "Damn him!"

"It's okay Nicolai. I don't care for him much anymore. You're all I really think about. You with your familiar voice, your sleek blonde hair, and your gorgeous green eyes. It's always you."

"Read..." the voice said.

"Yes...I'll read it now.


	2. Chapter 2

Secrets and Truths

_Entry One: I met a most fascinating woman today. Her name is Karen and she's in the German army. Her hair...it's such a brilliant shade of red...it really captures ones attention. Such a gorgeous woman! She is to be my guide to Domremy. Domremy...the small village where I will find the Godslayer. How I long to defeat him. Cursed demon. Foul bane of mankind. He won't last long when I get through with him. But for that, I will need the Holy Mistletoe found in Apoina Tower. This breathtaking woman can help me get it. She seems to be strong. Ah! She's here now so I must go. I look forward to this trip with her by my side. Until later._

_-Nicolai Conrad-_

_Entry Two: I have the Holy Mistletoe now. Karen IS a very strong woman. To watch her fight...simply amazing! Such grace and fluidity! I admit here to myself...I was enthralled. No wonder she is a lieutenant! Any rank lower than that would be an insult to her skills. Right now, we're currently on the way to Domremy. She is asleep in the seat beside me at this very moment. How I long to run my fingers through her long red hair. I've only known her for this short time, but I already crave her attention. I wonder if...perhaps...she would consider staying by my side after this is all over. I also wonder what her reaction to what all I'm about to do in Domremy will be for I haven't been completely honest with her. I intend to take out the Godslayer anyway I can, no matter who or what I have to go through to do it. If she finds out that I'm the one responsible for the death of her men the last time she was there I fear she'd turn against me and I'd have to kill her too. I don't think I could stand that...just the thought of it brings an ache to my heart. We've arrived now, so I must go. Here's hoping this goes well._

_-Nicolai Conrad-_

_Entry Three: Damn it! The Godslayer escaped me. I did manage to curse him with the mistletoe. Not only did he escape me, but Karen, my vermillion-haired battle goddess, is with him! She knows! About her men, my plan, my true nature! She knows it all! The look she gave me! How my heart broke at that look. A look of betrayal, shock, and anger. I don't think I shall soon forget it. No, that would be like trying to forget her which I know I cannot. I wonder where she is...with that Godslayer. When I think of her with him, against me, I can't help but feel a quick flash of anger and jealousy. Somehow, I'll have to find a way to defeat the Godslayer and bring Karen back to my side. I want, no, NEED her there. I can't get her out of my head! Damn you Godslayer. I WILL get you! And the fair Karen will be mine again!_

_-Nicolai Conrad-_

"Nicolai...I fascinated you that much then?? I never know you wanted me that much. You should have told me Nicolai. I wish you had. You wrote about wanting to run your fingers through my hair when I was asleep by you on the way to Domremy... I was dreaming of you then. I wanted you. That's what I was dreaming about...me and you...together. If only it could have happened. I'll read more tomorrow...now I need to sleep. Goodnight Nicolai. Please...come back to me again tomorrow like you did today. Please.

"Karen..."

"Nicolai." With that, Karen drifted off to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

A Loving EnemyWaiting Between Worlds

"Karen..."

"Hmm?" Karen mumbled.

"Karen..."

"Nicolai!" Karen said as she realized whose voice it was. Sitting up, she looked to the window. It was a bright morning, but that wasn't what she was looking at. There, reflected in the glass of the window, was Nicolai.

"Nicolai...you came back again. I wondered if you were really here last night or if I had lost my mind. I'm so glad to see you again. I dreamt of you last night."

"I'm glad. Please...continue reading now Karen."

"Of course Nicolai. Of course."

_Entry Four: It's been awhile since I last wrote. A lot has been going on, so I haven't had much time to write. Well, I did it. I told Karen I loved her. And still, she stayed with HIM. The Godslayer. Damn him to the Hell he's eventually bound for. Karen should be with me, not him! I swear I will destroy him. I'm on my way away from the palace in Russia after meeting with Rasputin again. He has made a soul pact with a God, but little does he know, so have I. He intends to defeat the Godslayer, but I will be the one who does. He isn't strong enough. He'll lose for sure. If he WERE to win, who knows what he would do to my dear Karen. I cannot let her get hurt. I love her far too much to let anyone harm her. Amazing how she can be my enemy and yet I love her more than anything or anyone. I guess that makes me a loving enemy. Hmm...what a title. Nicolai the Loving Enemy. I wonder if Karen would laugh at me if she knew about all my thoughts. To think, after everything I've done to her group of friends, I love her and try to make her love me. It's funny, in some sort of odd way, how a person's actions and words can be so different than they're thoughts. Anyways, I must go for now. I'm out of time. I'll try to steal a moment to write some more another day._

_-Nicolai Conrad-_

"_Entry Five: How dare he! That Rasputin! Who does he think he is!? Now him and his God want to take over Russia and the rest of the world and throw it into war! I was supposed to get Russia. It's my birthright!! I am the oldest son of the Tsar even if I am only a Bastard son that I doubt he even knows he has! He wants his precious little child to have it but he's little more than a brat that has no clue how to do much of anything, let alone run a country!! Russia is mine by right! I'll not let that little brat half-brother of mine inherit it. Or Rasputin or anyone else for that matter! If I can get Russia, then I will be the Tsar and perhaps I can convince Karen to be my wife. I would give her anything her heart desired. Anything at all. And I'd love her and only her. I'd have no other woman in my life. None could ever compare to the perfection that is Karen._

_-Nicolai Conrad-_

"Nicolai...I'm not perfect you know. No one is."

"To me...you are. Dearest Karen."

"I really miss you Nicolai. I wish you were still alive. Then perhaps we could be together."

"I won't move on without you Karen. I'm waiting, in between worldsfor you."


	4. Chapter 4

Promises From the Heart

_Entry Six, the Last Entry: I call this the last entry because the God I made my soul pact with is slowly gaining control over me. I can feel it, and try as I might, I'm losing the strength to fight back. This God...I wish I'd never made that pact with him. He's trying to use my body to achieve his own ends. That's not why I made a pact with him! This isn't supposed to be happening! This isn't what I wanted!! I'm slowly losing everything! My birthright, my mind, my very body! And Karen...my dearest Karen. What is this God going to do to her?? I shudder at the very thought of him using MY body to kill the woman I love. I actually cried last night thinking about it. ME! Crying!! I didn't know I still could. Although, my tears weren't really over my own fate, but over what might happen to Karen. I'm not ready to leave her! I haven't had enough time with her! There's so much left that I want to tell her...so much I might not ever get to say. If I were to die or lose myself to this God corrupting my very being, then I only hope that this book somehow finds it's way to Karen and that she can read it. Maybe then she'll know how much she really meant to me. How much I still long for her. How much I STILL want to run my fingers through her brilliant red hair. If I die before her, I will wait for her. I can't be happy anywhere where she isn't at. I will become her spirit guardian, protecting her with my very soul. That I promise here and now. That I promise with my very heart._

_-Nicolai Conrad-_

"Nicolai, you kept your promise. You're still with me," Karen said as she looked up at Nicolai's reflection in the window.

"Of course I did Karen. I would be miserable without you."

"Nicolai...I'm glad you're still hear. I can at least stilltalk to you, even if you're no longer alive."

"I love you Karen. I know I've said it before, but I feel I can never say it enough."

"I love you too Nicolai. I have since the beginning...I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it. I really am. If I had found the courage to say it sooner then things might have turned out differently for usBetter for us."

"I know Karen. But it's not just your fault. It's mine too. But I'm with you now and forever. Like I wrote in that book so long ago, I promise you with my very heart."

"And I'll promise you here and now that I'llbe with you forever. I also promise you that with MY very heart."

Picking up a pen, Karen drew a heart on a page in Nicolai's book with her name, his name, and their promises from the heart.


End file.
